Ive thought about writing this post so many times, but just like at your funeral, I don't know how to encapsulate you with words for fear of not getting it right. Every time I think about you I get the biggest lump in my throat, like I've just taken a swig of water and I cant swallow it.  Theres been so many times I've wished for my phone to ring and it to be you.  There's been so many good and bad times that you've never got to hear about. Theres been countless jokes I've heard that I want to tell you. People say that grief comes in waves. I believe that to a certain extent, I believe grief is more like an ocean.  Always there, always moving, some days its nice and calm. Some days its too hard to swim against the current. I don't think I'll ever fully process that you are gone.  Your smell still lingers around me when Im sad. I find one of your jokes always when I need them. Your song comes on always when I need to hea